Toxic Positivity:
You know what they assert about “too much of an honest thing.”Positivity is one among those goodies that you simply can have an excessive amount of of. it's going to seem hard to believe that positive thinking could ever be bad, but it's taken a dangerous turn as popular culture has romanticized the thought of it. Positivity has been placed on a pedestal to the purpose where it's become almost shameful to be anything but positive.
Toxic positivity is that the concept encouraging people to be nothing but positive is more harmful than helpful. We are built feel a huge range of emotions, and every one of them are necessary for a full life. Negative emotions may feel uncomfortable, but they're fundamental and will not be brushed over by blind positivity.
Toxic positivity is especially harmful for those with mental illnesses, chronic illnesses, or any issues that make positive thinking especially difficult. However, it affects every single person , as so called “negative” emotions like sadness, anger, hopelessness, fear, anxiousness, etc. are a natural and inevitable a part of the human experience. To expect people never to feel these ways is unrealistic and unfair.
Positivity vs. Toxic Positivity
Where do i draw the road between a healthy positive attitude and toxic positivity?A positive attitude, within the sort of optimism and staying hopeful about the longer term , are often a helpful outlook for navigating life. the power to remain hopeful, even within the face of adversity, and realize that your current situation won’t last forever may be a key aspect of resilience!
Toxic positivity occurs once you become dismissive of all emotions aside from positive ones. It places positivity on a pedestal and leaves no space for the other feelings.
Some samples of toxic positivity include :
“Just be happy”
“Just be positive”
“Think good thoughts”
“You’ll recover from it”
“Good vibes only”
Phrases like these are completely dismissive of the very fact that negative feelings are sometimes unavoidable. Notice that I don’t say “bad” feelings…because there are not any bad feelings! once we label some as “bad” and a few as “good” we stigmatize the previous group when, actually , feelings are just feelings, and every one feelings must be felt so as for us to figure through them. (Read more about honoring your feelings here).
When you’re feeling sad, depressed, hopeless, anxious, etc. you can’t just snap out of it and start thinking all positive thoughts. Nor should you! Those feelings are most certainly uncomfortable, but it's necessary to feel them, sit with them, and permit them to run their natural courses.
When you use positivity as how to numb “negative” feelings, you’re doing yourself a disservice. And once you attempt to force positivity onto others who are struggling, by using the phrases above, for instance , you’re completely shutting down any conversation about how they’re actually feeling, and removing the likelihood about talking through their issues.
What you’re basically saying to them is:
Don’t be honest about how you’re actually feeling
You are weak for having a negative emotional response
You should be ready to control your feelings
Don’t call me on your bad days
The Social Conditioning of Positivity
To many, the phrases above could seem harmless. You’ve heard and said them 1,000,000 times. We get older being conditioned to believe that positivity is that the best and most socially acceptable thanks to be.
When a toddler is crying, many folks probably have the initial instinct to mention something like “don’t cry,” or “it’s ok.” But stop and believe that for a second…You’re essentially telling the kid that the way they're feeling isn't valid (obviously if the kid is upset then they don’t desire “it’s ok”) and telling them to prevent expressing that emotion (“don’t cry”).
I know it's not done intentionally , and I’ve been guilty of doing it within the past myself, but once you become mindful of it, you realize that it isn’t healthy to show children to push their emotions aside. Instead, when comforting crying children, I attempt to say things like, “I know, that was scary,” (if they fell down, for example) and acknowledging and validating that way they’re feeling.
It looks like alittle thing, but the way we answer children’s emotions may be a microcosm for a way we answer human emotions generally . We are often taught from a young age to push uncomfortable emotions away and return to positivity as quickly as possible.
So if you’re reading this and realizing you employ toxic positivity tactics, don’t feel bad! It probably features a lot to try to to with how you were raised and therefore the society you grew up in.
But once you know better, do better! attempt to become more mindful of how you handle your own emotions, also as how you help others affect theirs. Phrases just like the ones I listed above simply aren't helpful…but here’s what is:
Acceptance: The Art of Honoring Your Feelings
Toxic positivity involves pushing away negative emotions.
Acceptance involves letting them be and allowing them to run their courses.
Accepting negative feelings is such a lot more helpful than pushing them away (which actually pushes them deeper inside you and allows them to fester until they explode). once you accept your feelings, you permit yourself time to figure through them. (Further reading: Acceptance Without Exception).
We can rewrite the toxically positive phrases above during a more accepting manner:
“Just be happy” –> “I realize it doesn’t feel good immediately but this sense won’t last forever.”
“Just be positive” –> “This situation stinks. I’m so sorry you’re browsing this.”
“Think good thoughts” –> “I know it’s really hard to remain positive immediately , but this may pass.”
“You’ll recover from it” –> “This is basically hard. Things will recover with time.”
“Good vibes only” –> “All vibes welcome.”
Acceptance isn't resignation or abandoning . Allowing yourself to feel all of your feelings – even the negative ones – is really an empowering decision to not allow them to rule you! Because when you’re ignoring your feelings, the top up ruling you subconsciously. But once you accept them and face them head on, you give yourself the chance to maneuver through them.
Optimistic Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean allowing your negative emotions to fester. you'll think that if you permit yourself to feel the sadness, the anger, or the fear, that it'll take over and never free you from its grasp…but that’s simply not the case!
The sooner you permit yourself to feel your feelings, the earlier you'll run through them. Especially if you stay mindful of the very fact that each one feelings are temporary and “this too shall pass.” once you can remember that nothing lasts forever, including the way that you’re feeling, you realize that there'll come a time within the future when you’ll feel better.
I’d wish to coin the term “optimistic acceptance” to explain the way we should always all attempt to affect our feelings. Acceptance means you permit yourself to feel whatever feelings come up, and optimism means you stay looking forward to the longer term .
Whenever my body feels off, whether it's thanks to a chilly or an attack , my mind immediately goes to the present place of “I’m never getting to feel better.” It tricks me into believing that I’m stuck and I’ve reached my final fate. But by practicing optimistic acceptance I can say: “yes, I desire shit now. But i do know that this may pass, because it always has within the past, and that i will feel better eventually.”
See what proportion more validating that's than “just stay positive?”
I also attempt to be mindful to require note of once I do eventually feel better. I reming myself of how I felt crappy and like i might never feel better, but here i'm , feeling better!
Everyone has some negative vibes from time to time. Consider this your permission to bitch and moan and whine and vent and complain once you got to – it doesn’t cause you to a lesser human. It just causes you to human!
Just don’t allow yourself to urge stuck within the negative vibes. Allow yourself to feel the emotions in order that they can move through you and you'll revisit to baseline.
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